So during my time away i went off my med for two reasons because i thought it was causing my skin to peel and i thought maybe i don’t really have Bipolar. I SO DO! I was dealing with a bit of depression being off the med then around end of july i started to enter a mixed episode.. I was very very horny, racing thoughts, depress, angry, couldn’t fall to sleep because of racing thought, VERY vivid dreams, whenever i am manic even if mixed… i end up having a totally different goal than i originally had. (like last year i almost dropped out of school because i swore i was gonna become a famous burlesque dancer and i swear i thought the universe was telling me to.) Mostly the increase libido was major in my mixed episode. Sorry if TMI but i was pleasuring myself every night. I still am very very horny. I want to rip my skin off.. i feel trapped in my skin.. Hopefully someone can relate to that feeling. Like your flesh is holding you back from doing all you have to do.
I cried the next day after seeing my psychiatrist because i realize, yes i truly have the disorder. I didn’t tell him i was in a mixed episode… at least i have no memory of it. I didn’t tell him because someone said to me “you can’t have insight when your in a mixed episode or any episode” which i think is bologna, but still held me back from telling psychiatrist just incase the person was right. I wish i did tell him. I looked at my billing and saw my diagnostic code which was 296.63… So i assume he thinks i’m bipolar with a lot of mixed episodes. I must agree for the last two he has seen me in.
I wonder why it’s so hard for me to sometimes tell him what’s going on… when i’m in that state and even when i realize. I think maybe cuz in a back of my mind.. i have an explanation when really i’m just in a bipolar state of mind.
Anyone feel they have a frog in their throat when trying to tell their doctor what is going on…even though you know something isn’t right.. you just seem to not be able to fathom at that time that anything is wrong?
*I’m back on zyprexa at 15mg, love zyprexa so much*